


Safe and alive

by BialyLis



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Siblings, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brothers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Hurt/Comfort, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:08:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BialyLis/pseuds/BialyLis
Summary: "He remembered the lonely nights in Logsted. He remembered yelling and throwing things at first to somehow vent his emotions. If you scream long enough and loud enough, someone will come.Eventually someone will come to comfort you.Eventually somebody will come to say that you have to pull yourself together.Eventually someone will come to silence you ...No one came and one night Tommy realized he had no strength left to scream."Or: AU where Tommy stayed with Techno after the festival and decided to help destroy L'Manburg. He's not ready for any of this and needs someone to finally comfort him.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 350





	Safe and alive

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this right before today's stream and wow, it expired sooner than I thought.  
> All I know is pain.

When Tommy was little, Techno scared him that he couldn't cry in the cold. He was five years old and climbed a tree just high enough for the fall to hurt despite the three layers of clothes and the knee-deep snow. If he were alone, he would probably dust off his pants and try again. But his brother was nearby and he even looked in his direction, concerned about the noise, so Tommy, following all childish logic, immediately let out a desperate howl, demanding comforting.

Techno, following the unwritten law of the older brothers, didn't care at all.

"Stop howling, it's too cold for that," he only snorted, and when he met with a very determined and even louder protest, he broke through the snowdrift to grab the child's hood and force him to his feet. "Your eyes will freeze and your nose become icicles, and no one will feel sorry for you, you'll see," he threatened.

Which, of course, was the complete opposite of comforting and the boy wanted to cry even louder, but Techno was older, smarter, and always right, and Tommy really didn't want to see only his own frozen tears for the rest of his life, so he just pressed his lips together and choked out a sob.

He had no idea why he remembered it right now. He wasn't sure why he remembered it at all. As much as he wanted it to be otherwise, he had only few memories of their father and eldest brother. He remembered Wilbur, the sound of the guitar cradling him to sleep, the warm shoulders in which he could cry, and the nights when he heard soft, muffled crying somewhere behind the wall. And he knew that Phil and Techno were somewhere in the picture, but their faces had blurred, faded and finally melted into one with the snow. Tommy wasn't sure exactly when he forgot about them. At one point, he just started saying "Wilbur" instead of "my family" and he didn't even realize it until ... Until he could no longer call that name.

It was weird, seeing them again. Have them in life again. He's still not used to it. He still couldn't quite admit to himself how much he missed them, how much he wanted to let himself believe they would stay this time.

Techno was waiting for him in the bunker. He was going through the contents of the chest, taking out each weapon in turn and laying it on the ground in an order that only he could understand. As Tommy slipped inside, happy to be at least partially sheltered from the icy winds, Techno looked up and opened his mouth, probably wanting to make some remark about the sluggishness. His gaze lingered on his brother's face and his expression immediately softened.

"Maybe you should rest," he suggested, a little awkwardly, and Tommy almost smiled. Techno has never been good at interacting with people, even those closest to you.

Tommy wasn't sure if he was the "closest" one. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to be.

"It's okay," he muttered, wrapping his cloak tighter around himself. "Whe don't really have time."

Twenty-four hours. One day more, and his home - the country they once created from scratch, for which he was willing to die, for which he died twice - will turn into a battlefield. And he'll do it himself. And he'll take the side at which he always looked with contempt.

_Wilbur would be so fucking proud of me._

He swallowed, trying to shake off the lump in his throat, but the invisible band had already squeezed his chest, and suddenly he heard himself breathing, shallow, fast, on the verge of sobbing. The skulls on the walls rippled and merged with a shapeless, dark mass, and he rubbed his eyes quickly to shake off the rising tears.

"It's okay," he repeated, opening the nearest chest, looking for anything to do. His hands were shaking so badly that he didn't trust himself enough to reach for any weapon, but his fingers tightened on the wooden lid. He needed to support himself, he needed something strong, something stable, something completely opposite to what he had become. "It's okay. It's just…”, he closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep, calming breath. He held the air for too long, until his lungs began to burn. Stay focused, Tommy, you need to focus. "Wow, we really... I can't believe I'm really doing this. This is my home, Techno. These are my friends.

He remembered the lonely nights in Logsted. He remembered yelling and throwing things at first to somehow vent his emotions. If you scream long enough and loud enough, someone will come.

Eventually someone will come to comfort you.

Eventually somebody will come to say that you have to pull yourself together.

Eventually someone will come to silence you...

No one came and one night Tommy realized he had no strength left to scream.

Techno looked as if he wanted to comfort him and silence him at the same time. Judging by his expression, he emotionally was somewhere between "O Nether, please, no, no, nononono...!" and "Shut up and die already".

"Tommy," he began, but without much plan, because for the next few seconds he was just turning the crossbow in his hands before clearing his throat. "I'm not good at all this..." He sighed heavily. "I don't have too many friends, Tommy. But even I know friends don't act that way. Friends don't stab you in the back. It was enough for Dream to lift a finger, and they sacrifice immediately, remember?

Tommy slammed the lid of the box shut and shuddered, surprised at the force he put into it. It was just little warmer in the bunker than it was outside, but suddenly he felt hot. He could feel anger rising in his chest, spreading through his body, warming his lungs and marking every word that passed through his constricted throat.

"I know they did it!" He turned so abruptly he elbowed one of the skulls. It hit the floor with a thud and rolled straight at Techno's feet. He thought bitterly that it fit there more than anything else, and if possible it made him even more angry. "They exiled me! Like... Like what the fuck?" He laughed, loud and without any real merriment. "I made this country! Me and Wilbur and Tubbo and Fundy and E ... Fuck Eret! We built L'Manburg! We won our independence... _I_ won our independence! And just like that... they just took everything away from me and Dream... Dream!" He tried to take a deep breath, feeling that he was suddenly running out of air, but he couldn't control his own breathing. The flame in his chest grew, absorbing more and more, taking away his oxygen. "Techno, Dream..."

He had no idea when Techno appeared right in front of him. He couldn't focus his eyes, couldn't focus his thoughts, everything around was so bright and loud, the whiteness of the snow hurt his eyes, and he could hear the sound of wind in the empty skulls on the walls, like whispers from somewhere in the past and future.

A dead, empty city that he will kill himself.

"Tommy, breathe!" Techno gripped his shoulders tightly and Tommy immediately reached for his hands to keep himself in reality.

"He came in every day, Techno," he whispered, staring at his feet. Creaking snow underfoot like sand on a beach. An empty coast, a cake he had no one to share with, the hum of a portal that no one had passed through. _I'm the only one here, Tommy. Only I care about you._ "No one else came, but he was always there, and how could I not want him to come? He was the only friend I had, but he could be so cruel, and... No." He shook his head, stepping back beyond his brother's reach. He tripped over something, probably his own coat, and before he knew it he was already sitting on the cold ground, his back pressed against the wall. The skulls looked at him pityingly on all sides. And the pity on Techno's face was the worst. "No no no! Dream was not a friend! _He was not a friend!_ " He slipped his fingers into his hair and squeezed it tight, painfully. "But he came... We had a good time together. And sometimes he let me keep my armor. And he gave me a trident. Everything was fine as long as I listened. Why i never listen to anyone, Techno? Why can't I just shut up and listen?!"

For a moment he only heard his own rapid breathing and was ready to believe that he was alone. Of course he was alone. He would rather not have to be with himself now, too. He would prefer to just disappear...

And then Techno's shoes suddenly popped up right next to his, and his brother crouched down across from him with a soft sigh.

"Let's go back home." Tommy has never heard him sound so... soft before. "Phil will know better what..."

He pressed his legs against his chest, resting his forehead on his knees.

"I don't want to go home," he muttered, and immediately doubted it himself. "No, wait... No. I want to go home. I want to go home..." He wrapped his arms around his legs. If he tries hard, he may be able to shrink down so much that it will disappear completely. "I still miss them, Techno. Sometimes... sometimes I dream that I'm coming back and everything is as it was before. I really hated those dreams. Because when I woke up, alone in Logsted, and remembered that I couldn't go back... It hurt so much." He felt a hand on his shoulder again. This time, the touch was softer, more careful, and Tommy felt himself involuntarily clinging to him more and more. He hadn't felt anything like this in a long time. When he woke up in the night and hugged himself to feel anything, his own touch was always strong, desperate, and appropriating. He kept telling himself, "You're safe," when in reality he thought "You're still alive," and it terrified him that one contradicted the other. "Sometimes I woke up in the water. As if... as if I was actually trying to come home."

Techno didn't answer right away. But he didn't remove his hand either. It was enough. It had to be enough. Tommy didn't expect anything more. The fire was extinguished, burned out, and left behind an icy ashes. He couldn't count on anything else.

That's why he was surprised when he heard the hoarse but strangely soft voice again.

"Tommy, I... I just want you to know that... Damn, I'm really bad at this."

Tommy looked up just as Techno closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He looked like he really wanted to be elsewhere now, and for a moment Tommy was sure he would let go and just walk away. He will leave him, like everyone else has. Because apparently he deserved it. Apparently, he was just a bad person and he was hurting everyone around him to the point that they had to remove him from their lives. Apparently he should be alone.

But then Techno opened his eyes and his hand was suddenly on his brother's head, ruffling his blond hair.

"I'm glad you came to me instead."

Several snowflakes fell on his face as he looked up in surprise. Then he smiled, absorbing the warmth of his hand. When they were little, Techno would ruffle their hair a lot and call them gremlins. Then Wilbur outgrew them both, and Techno stopped finding that joke it funny.

"I'm glad too. Recently…” He nervously nibbled the edge of his coat. "Even if I still dream of L'Manburg, when I wake up here with you guys... It doesn't hurt that much." It took a moment for him to realize that he couldn't grab one of the loose threads of his coat because his hands were shaking too much. He pressed them tight against his sides, crouching tighter as he had when he was hiding in the crate when Dream came. Oh, Dream must have been so furious, he _was_ so furious, Tommy ran away without a word, after everything Dream had done for him... After everything Dream had done _to him_... "I'm scared, Techno," he whispered, barely hearing own words. "Sometimes I get so scared."

He felt it more than saw, when Techno sat down next to him. The extra coat landed on his shoulders, and though Tommy could barely feel the physical cold, he appreciate the gesture.

"If it comforts you, I was scared today, too."

Tommy raised an eyebrow. Techno never said he was afraid of anything. It was the others who were afraid of him. On the other hand, this time the situation was actually pretty bad.

"It was about... thirty against two," he admitted. "I still can't believe we escaped. And you wanted to fight them!"

"Naaah, they were without a chance. Technoblade never dies!" His brother waved him off, which was much more his style. But then he grew serious and cleared his throat, clearly gathering himself together. "But before... There was a moment when I saw you hesitating. And for a moment I was afraid that you might... that you would choose them over me."

There was something strange about his voice, something Tommy had never heard from him before. A mixture of relief and pride and a kind of compassion. Wilbur sounded the same when he found out that Tommy had sacrificed the disks for independence. He sounded the same, and when he later hugged Tommy and held him for a long, long moment, he didn't need to say anything else. Unspeakable "You made the right decision, but it's okay if you want to cry now." was more than enough for both of them.

And Tommy cried back then. And, apparently, he was crying now as well.

"Fuck", he quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve, but though he was blinking and trying to hold back the tears, it was too late for that. "No, no, no! I can't cry in the cold, my eyes will freeze..!"

Techno laughed.

"Who told you something so stupid?"

" _You did_ , you fucking...!"

He didn't finish. He didn't have the opportunity, because suddenly he was in a strong, almost crushing grip. Techno's hand was still on his head, combing his hair, the other arm encircling him, pulling him closer until he could hide his face in a warm, thick coat and slowly let his trembling hands return his embrace.

He must have waited so long, so damn long... but apparently someone had finally come to comfort him. Apparently he deserved it in the end. Apparently he wasn't alone after all.

Apparently, he was still alive and safe and was ready to come home.


End file.
